“My Child’s Father Wants Visitation, But I Don’t Feel Safe Being Alone With Him”

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Dear Gay Best Friend,

Hey there! :-) First time reading/seeing your articles (and would love to sign up with you for EVERYTHING).  You are hilarious! But, more importantly, you are straight up and to the point – love it. So, I’m praying you will give me some insight into my situation.

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I met this man going on 2 years back, and we conversed on the phone for a couple of months before ever physically meeting. The first time we met was VERY brief at a mutual friends house. I was in and out (running late, really). I was really attracted to him, but by the time I actually call for me and him to chill, A ONE NIGHT STAND, was the only thing on my mind, lol. I’m just being honest.

So, this dude BLOWED my mind, amongst other things, but I still didn’t plan on anything serious with dude. But, I definitely was gone let him hit it again. After the 2nd or 3rd time, we had sex and he gave me his house key, his grandmother’s house key. He told me he was gone wife me and I was going to have his first son. Common sense should’ve told me then that he was CRAZY. But, I was D***NOTIZED. Even though I still had some reservations about the growing situation between him and I. He was so kind and understanding. He seemed to have some sense and self-control about him. He is 40-years old and I’m 30-years old. In the midst of all this good sex and happy beginnings I met his family and he met mine. He painted my living room, bought me and my children clothes (I have 1 boy and 1girl).

So, barely six months later, I had to leave for a mandatory 30 days. He seemed to have held it down, but as soon as I’m released, he is gone that weekend. Then everything returns to normal, somewhat. I start to notice changes in his behavior, like his temper has a short fuse, getting upset over the simplest of things, and he is cursing his mother, whereas before, he always took time to understand. Then I find out I’m pregnant. Damn!

He was ecstatic, which had me somewhat hopeful that his attitude would change for the better.  Well, it didn’t.  Also, by the time I found out I was pregnant, his mother had moved to an apartment complex where he befriended some young men who don’t work and do drugs all day and night long – Green white liquor and pills. Personally, I don’t knock nobody for what they do, as long as they can handle their business. But, I barely drink and I’m a social smoker. But, slowly I’m slowing down my intake.

Anyway, he is happy I’m pregnant. I was sicker than a mug with this pregnancy, and he had no consideration. I didn’t want no hug, no affection, no snuggles after sex because the smell of him had me nauseous. And, I told him time and time again how I felt until I ended up being nasty back to him. I told him he makes me sick in every since of the word and to stay the “F” away from me. When I would be soft-spoken he wouldn’t act like he cared, or he just cursed me saying I was rude. I’m going to try to cut it short.

My last pregnancy was high-risk. So, I’m telling him that my blood pressure is going to shoot up and I might end up with other complications (mind you my blood pressure is already unstable on a non-pregnant day). But, he claims he thought I was lying, until I went to my OB/GYN and they made me go straight to the hospital, where I stayed until delivery (3weeks in-patient). My son was born at 26 weeks. Right before I was put in the hospital I picked up a nice black microwave for the new apartment him and his mother just moved into. Once again, it turns into something negative. This man violently was pushing me in front of my 9-year old daughter, while she was screaming for him to stop.  Later that night he came by my house and cursed my mother and got nasty with my son. I did not press charges, but I did file a report. While I was in the hospital he threatened to kill me. When I got out he threatened to kill me.

Now he claims he never said it and I need to stop making up things. I still have the texts and police report to prove it. He also got kicked out of the hospital while visiting me. I really was just trying to be cordial because I still haven’t gotten over what he did to me in front of my daughter. Skipping to the end, now that our son is home and healthy, I went against my sense and accepted the invitation to his home while his mother was gone. My son was already there for 3 days so I figured me and the father should be ok for less than 24 hours. I was WRONG again. He ends up cursing me because I asked him, “Will you please stop just for a minute and give me the bottle of water you was telling me about? I looked all over the kitchen twice and couldn’t find it.” (The water was so I could fix my son’s formula)

So, after asking nicely two times, then getting yelled at two times, I went off on him for getting loud with me when all I was asking for was help so I could feed HIS baby. Next thing you know, me and my son got kicked out. He snatched the baby bag from me, and when I told him my son was hungry he told me, “That’s on you.”  I simply responded by letting him know that I could eat whatever I wanted to, but it’s his baby suffering because of his, “ANGRY ass BS.”  We ended up having the police come out to his place and he was disputing with the officer about why he should have to give me the things his son needs. Finally, he returns our baby’s things and I am able to leave. He blows my phone up later that night. The next day, and four days later, I still haven’t picked up, but he’s leaving messages saying he wants to see his son.

Now, here is my question- How should I go about visitation, if any? I don’t feel safe if me and him are the only adults in the house. He signed the papers for the birth certificate, but then changed his mind before I sent them in. (He didn’t want his name on it because of child support, however I do have his social security number)

But, I don’t really want him on the birth certificate anyway because that means he’s giving up all access :-)! And, I was going to tell the courts that it’s NOT his baby. Only thing is if he chooses to accept to send child support, and when they do the DNA test, they will find out it is his baby  :-( ! (How backwards is that?)

PLEASE HELP ME! I NEED a little bit of your expertise and knowledge sent my way. Thank you, Boo! Oh yeah, he lies to everybody twisting reality to make him look perfect, but claims he has no reason to lie. I have caught him a couple of times. – Not Really Feeling Him