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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m 24 years old and my boyfriend of two years is 30 years old, but we have been knowing each other for four years.
I have a son from a previous relationship that he adores, and he has four children from a previous relationship that I adore. Everything is as good as it can possibly be and I couldn’t be happier. But, about a month and a half ago he brought up the topic of marriage and has been talking about it every since. Ironically, we have the same last name already (I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, you better check to make sure y’all not related,” which I did). People already assume we are married. He has been married once before and it ended ugly, so I feel that it was necessary to tell him that the topic makes me a little nervous because once I get married I don’t want to get a divorce. He said he understands because he doesn’t want to get married and divorced again, and he wants me to be the woman he grows old with.
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I have no problem with marrying him, but I want to know is it normal to feel nervous when it comes to the topic of marriage, or am I just over thinking the whole situation? Should I Or Shouldn’t I
Dear Ms. Should I Or Shouldn’t I,
Yes, girl, it’s just pre-marital jitters, and many people feel them. It’s a new step in a new direction. And, the thought of being married along with the amount of work and commitment it takes is hard work. So, a lot of people get nervous and scared. It can be pressures of having to be perfect, or not getting it wrong, and feeling like a failure if it doesn’t work. Many thoughts and scenarios are running through your mind of what can go wrong. Stop focusing on the negative, and start thinking of all the things that can go right!
And, I’m glad that you shared with your boyfriend how you actually feel. Some folks would have lied, and ignored the conversation, and eventually they would begin to push their mates away, or put up a wall and not communicate. So, kudos to you.