All week, the businessman, television personality, conspiracy theorist, and all around messy stunt queen Donald Trump has been touting an “October surprise” about President Barack Obama that would purportedly shake up the presidential campaign.
Widespread speculation predictably and disappointedly followed.
Douglas Kass, a financial adviser who appears on CNBC, claimed Trump had divorce papers filed by the Obamas. Oh, dear God, a married couple who had problems? Way to shake the table, Trump.
Then came chatter about President Obama secretly being intertwined with the ways of the gay. Look, I totally understand how a man who can manage to be that handsome despite looking like a pack of Newports are his BFF would be a total get for the gay community (or any really), but shut up before the First Lady finds a way to put those paws on somebody.
There were also little theories that Trump had found evidence that the President at one point had Bobby by the pound, Whitney by the key, though that joined the other aforementioned rumors in the denial pile.
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So what was the big revelation?
Not a damn thing.
True to form, Donald Trump’s talk amounted to a whole lot of nothing. Appearing before his life partner — a working camera — Trump offered President Obama a deal:
If Obama opens up and gives his college records and applications, and if he gives his passport applications and records, I will give to a charity of his choice. Inner-city children in Chicago, American Cancer Society, AIDS research, anything he wants. A check, immediately, for $5 million.
Mind you, the records have to be “to his satisfaction,” because evidently, the world revolves around this arrogant blowhard.
The check will be given within one hour after he releases all of the records…he’ll be doing a great service to the country if he does this. If he releases these records, it will end the question and indeed the anger of many Americans…they’ll know something about their president…their president will become transparent..like other presidents.
Watch Trump’s stupidity here:
I got at least six dollars on whatever pledge will be made for President Obama not to do anything. Actually no, I’d like to put that money toward Trump voluntarily falling down a well — that is surely a charitable cause to fight for.
Not that I believed for a second Trump’s “announcement” would alter the race, but this all but confirms what a complete waste of time paying him any mind is. No one should be this desperate to plug their reality show on NBC.
Yes, he’s White, male, and wealthy, which means he doesn’t have to prove much to get undeserved attention, but at what point do we collectively say, “Trump is an empty-headed nuisance who should be relegated to crazy man yelling crap on the corner while collecting spare change status?”
Donald Trump is to the media what genital herpes is to the human body.
And while we would all wish that he would just go away permanently — never to be seen on another news station again — unfortunately, Trump behaves like some sort of mutated strain that manages to keep popping up.
I may not be literally scratching in the “love below” area, but I am scratching the head up top, wondering just how much longer the media at large is going to put up with this dude’s attention-whoring antics. It’s apparent that he’s on that “Effie White” side of life when it comes to his pursuit of publicity. So be it, but can’t we be more stingy when it comes to giving in?
Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick