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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I need your expert advice on a problem that’s beginning to fester.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years. Three years ago we decided to separate because we simply could not get along. We disagreed on everything from finances to the best way to discipline our child, so we split but remained very close. While separated, we both dated other people but we spent holidays together and took vacations as a family. Fast forward to present day and we’re a full-time, cohabitating married couple again. This was mainly hubby’s decision; I simply went along with it for the financial perks & benefits. Don’t get me wrong though, I do love the man. So far it’s been 4 months being “married” again and things are great for the most part – - – except when it comes to sex. In a nutshell, I hate having sex with my husband now and wouldn’t mind if I never had to do it with him ever again!
While we were separated I had a relationship with another man who embodied all the physical traits a woman like me (and a few men I know,) could ask for. In addition to having the good looks of Blair Underwood with a touch of Lance Gross, the man was 6’4”, 220lbs of pure chocolately goodness! He kept himself in great shape, was college-educated, home-owner, remained gainfully employed and childless! To add the icing to the cake, sex with him was nothing short of VANGLORIOUS!!!(tongue-in-cheek). The man came equipped with 9 inches of instant gratification and was a master at his trade. He made my body hum! I’m by no means inexperienced and I can say hands down, he was the best lover I had in all my years of sexual exploration.
Now I’m back with my husband and can’t even trick myself into having sex with him. When I do muster up the nerve to have sex (which has only been twice in 4 months) it has to be doggy-style so I don’t have to see his body. For years I faked it with hubby, and now I can’t even put on the act anymore. I just lie there like a dead fish waiting for him to finish while I’m making a grocery list in my head. I’m completely turned off by his extra weight and small member. Yeah, yeah, I put up with it for years with no complaints, but that was before the Chocolate Man Wonder (CMW) came and rocked my world. No amount of fantasizing or sex toys can amount to what CMW delivered naturally. Now I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I want to stay with hubby because he loves and spoils me to death. On the other, I want to continue having sex with CMW. I’m on the verge of discussing having an open relationship with my husband, but I’m not sure that will go over well. I really want the best of both worlds – I want to continue being treated like a Queen by my husband, but I also want to continue having mind-altering sex with my lover. What’s a girl to do? – Ms. I Want To Eat My Cake. NOW!
P.S. Just ordered your book from Amazon, can’t wait to read it.
Dear Ms. I Want To Eat My Cake Now!
Tsk, Tsk, Tsk! Shame on you! I ain’t mad at you for finding some good chocotately VANGLORIOUS Mandingo. I don’t know a woman, or some men, who don’t fantasize and yearn for a good-looking, hung, educated, and sexually fulfilling, and compatible Lance Gross mixed with Blair Underwood, and some Tyrese and some Terry Crews, and a little of Morris Chestnut. WHEW!!! But, I digress. I am mad at you for staying with your husband and putting up with his unsavory weight and small member. And, on top of that you have to act and pretend as if you’re really into it. A HOT MESS!
Girl, you better speak up, get some counseling, and talk with your husband. And, no, I don’t think telling your husband you want to have an open relationship will go over with him. Chile, you better be ready to dodge and weave when he starts throwing fists and rage. And, don’t you dare tell him you are sleeping with someone else, or found someone with whom you would like to sleep with. No ma’am. Never compare one man to another. No man wants to know that another man is laying into his woman, wife, or girlfriend and giving her climaxes and thrills that he can’t. Especially, comparing penis sizes. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it.com.
But, you do need to talk with your husband and share with him what’s going on and communicate honestly about your sex life. This is something you can do together as a couple and work on. Yes, he can change his weight. Yes, he can get motivated and join the gym, and the two of you can work out together. Encourage him, and work with one another. Make it a couple’s event.
In regards to his small member, there are sexual positions you two can do that will make it more enjoyable and pleasurable for you. Remember the saying, “It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean.” Trust me, just because he may be hung, he may not know what to do with it. And, many men feel just because they are packing the inches they can just thrust and pump. No siree. You got to know how to work it. And, there are some small sized men who know how to work their members. You’ve got to be willing to work with your husband, and help him find his groove. Tell him what you like. What brings you pleasure. You’ve got to work together. Like you said, you’ve put up with his small penis for 10 years, and you didn’t complain. And, girl, you knew before you married him he was small. So, why are you complaining?
You thought I was going to encourage you to get with Mr. Mandingo Sex Master. Uhm, boo boo, you won’t get me in that trick bag with you. Sorry, but, you are married. So, focus on your marriage and into making it the vows you committed to one another.
So, Ms. I Want To Eat My Cake Now, be willing to be open and honest with your husband. Your marriage is sacred. Remember, you agreed to get back together after you separated. You knew what you were getting when you decided to give it another go. So, make it work. Try some role playing, and experiment with new positions. Chile, and try getting out of the house and do it in the car, on the porch, in the backyard, or some exotic location. Am I letting on to my freaky side? Let me hush while you work this out with your husband. And, the operative word is “HUSBAND.” – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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Make sure to get your copy of my book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!